


And take my pain, like an empty bottle takes the rain

by nerdbeyondlimits



Series: The tale of Keith and Lance [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Feels, Childhood Memories, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fighting, Foster Care, Group Homes, HUnk just wants to fix this, Homesickness, Hurt, I Tried, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Minor Injuries, Misunderstandings, Past, Tears, To be honest, Training, it's a mess, so is lance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 12:51:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15365091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdbeyondlimits/pseuds/nerdbeyondlimits
Summary: Keith tells Lance about his past, Lance tells someone he shouldn't have and Keith finds out. Things get ugly, especally as they are in the middle of a training fight. Now they must work out how to apologise and forgive each other.Third part of The tale of Keith and Lance





	And take my pain, like an empty bottle takes the rain

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! Since it's summer vacation I'm trying to smash out as much work as possible before season 7. I swear, I had a goddamn heart-attack when I found out the release date was less than a month away (typical Voltron not to announce or anything, just update the Netflix page in the middle of the night)  
> Anyways, enjoy this third installment in The tale of Keith and Lance!
> 
> Title from Heal by Tom Odell

Keith had always been a morning person. When he lived in the desert, there hadn't been a choice as to wake up early or not. The sun was relentlessly bright, and the shack's shutters had done nothing in order to keep it out in the mornings. Keith was awoken in the spring of dawn for so long that his body had registered it as routine.

Before that, it had been the morning classes at the Garrison that formed his early schedule. And now, in space, it had just become natural. He liked those quiet hours before anyone else woke up, wandering the corridors of an ancient castle that gave the impression of being completely abandoned. It reminded him of the desert, but in good way.

He'd been doing that just now, aimlessly strolling along the aisles when the wake-up call rang through the speakers.

Coran's chipper voice echoed in the white halls.

“Morning, paladins! We're doing a debriefing for training in the kitchen today, so hurry up! Allura and I will be waiting for you.”

Keith rolled his shoulders and began to make his way toward the kitchen. He'd lost track of time, and been a bit surprised when he realised it was actually their usual breakfast time already. Otherwise, he was the first to show up. Now, Pidge was already perched on the backrest of her chair, precariously balancing a plate of food goo and her computer on her lap. Coran looked very alarmed at this, but he was too busy listening to Allura to do something about it. She was going over the gladiators programming with him.

“You're late”, Pidge remarked, eyes never leaving the screen.

“Good morning to you, too.”

“What determines if it's a good one?” Keith only rolled his eyes and took a seat. He was too hungry to bicker with Pidge right now.

Shiro was the next to show up, then Hunk, with Lance in tow. The latter threw himself across a chair and groaned.

“I don't get why we have to debrief while eating? There's literally no peace here.”

“Could have to do with the fact that we're in the middle of a war,” Pidge said flatly.

“You know what I mean.”

Meanwhile, Shiro had settled into the seat next to Keith.

“Hey, you okay? You look tired.” Shiro always thought Keith looked too tired, too thin, too something. It was his way of showing that he cared. This time, though, he was right. Keith was tired.

“I'm all right. Didn't sleep too much.”

“Wanna say why?” Keith thought back on last night, and the shadow of a smile traced itself over the corners of his lips.

“No, it's okay.”

* * *

 

It had been around midnight, and Keith was laying on the floor, chasing away the last remnants of a nightmare that had him flailing out of his bed. He was just regaining his normal breathing rhythm when someone knocked on his door. Too baffled to be cautious, he pulled himself to his feet and opened his door.

Lance stood there, blue eyes still blinking away sleep and a robe around his shoulders. Keith suddenly became all too aware of his too-thin t-shirt. Self-consciously, he wrapped his arms around his torso and waited for Lance to speak.

“Uh, hey. I just... I heard a shout and then a loud-ass thud. I guess I just wanted to make sure you weren't dead, or something.” Keith's cheeks flared.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up”, he scrambled. “Nightmare.”

“Oh. Are you all right?” Keith shrugged.

“Yeah?” Lance narrowed his eyes.

“You don't look sure.”

“Well, what are you gonna do about it?” Keith didn't mean to sound so snappish, but he genuinely couldn't understand why Lance was still here.

“I could stay.”

“What.” Keith blinked, certain he must've misheard.

“I said... I could stay, if you want. It always helped me to fall back asleep if one of my brothers stayed with me.”

“I... I mean, don't you have to sleep?” Keith mentally cursed himself for not just saying no thank you and closing his door, but he found himself strangely drawn to the idea of Lance staying.

“I can spare a few hours, I suppose.”

“I... If you want to, but...”

“Of course I want to, I asked you.”

Lance brushed past him and into his room. Keith spun on his heels, closing the door behind him.

“So what did you use to do?” Lance looked at him with curious eyes.

“Sorry?”

“When you had nightmares”, Lance clarified. He'd flopped down on Keith's bed and was now playing with the covers. Keith felt like he had very much lost control of the situation, but he supposed that was his fault since he'd let Lance into his room in the first place.

“What did you use to do to calm down? I know you didn't have any siblings, and your mum is an alien, but what about your dad?”

“I... He died when I was four. I don't remember him that well.” Something in Lance's deep blue eyes flickered.

“Oh. I'm sorry.” Keith shrugged.

“Don't be. It was a long time ago.”

“Then... You don't mind me asking, where did you grow up?”

“A bunch of places. Some foster families, but mostly group homes.”

He couldn't believe he was actually talking about this, after so many years of hiding his past. But with Lance, it felt... natural. He didn't feel as ashamed over his childhood.

“Group homes?” Lance said questioningly.

“Basically modern-day orphanages. The dark side of the system, you might call it. If you are kicked out of too many foster-homes, or they can't find a family that wants to foster you, you end up in a group-home.”

“That sounds awful.”

“It could have been worse. I could have lived on the street. But it was hard for the keepers to give everyone the attention they needed. Ergo, I usually got through my nightmares on my own.” Keith was carefully rubbing the tips of his fingers together, focusing on them to keep the waver out of his voice.

“Fuck, man. That's messed up.” Keith couldn't stop the flinch from twisting his features. Lance must have realised what he'd done.

“No, I didn't mean.. Listen, you're not messed up. That system is. All right?” It was weird, because no matter how many people who had told Keith that through the years, he always had trouble believing them. It wasn't like Lance was some kind of miracle that magically healed all of his negative childhood, but somehow he could begin to believe him, this time.

Weird.

He shrugged in response, which prompted Lance to draw him in for a hug on the bed.

“Want me to stay here till you fall asleep?” He mumbled into Keith's shoulder.

Just ten days ago, Keith would have straight up refused. But something had happened between him and Lance during the last few days.

Something that made him whisper “okay”.

Something that made Lance's presence feel strangely like home.

Something that caused him not to flinch when Lance began carding his fingers through his hair and made it feel okay to curl the slightest into the other's side.

He knew that the Something had to be defined sooner or later, but right now he was tired and comfortably warm, enveloped in soft blankets. Behind eyelids that grew heavier and heavier by the moment, he decided that the Something could wait for now.

* * *

 

He hadn't woken up again that night, and in the morning, Lance had already been gone. Keith felt a bit guilty now that he observed the bags under the blue paladin's eyes. Lance seemed to catch onto his behaviour, because he shook his head the slightest to incline that it wasn't his fault. Keith looked away quickly before anyone could notice the blush rising on his cheeks.

 

Thirty minutes later, Coran and Allura had finished explaining today's training sequence and the paladins left with Coran's reminder of meeting up at the training deck two hours later called out from behind. Hunk and Lance took off to somewhere and Pidge announced that se was going to work on a project in Green's hangar, which left Keith with Shiro.

It was some time since they had last talked, him being with the blade and all that, and it felt nice to just sit down and chat for awhile.

“So, I noticed you and Lance have been closer to each other lately?” Shiro leaned back on his elbows, gazing out at the galaxy they were currently in. They had placed themselves on the bridge, right in front of the huge glass wall. Keith was grateful that Shiro wasn't looking at him – it would have been much harder to hide his blush that way.

“Um, yeah. I suppose.”

“Any reason?”

“No... No, I don't think so.”

“But it's nice?” Keith shrugged, trying not to sound too enthusiastic.

“Yeah, I guess. Once you get past the obnoxiousness he's actually pretty cool.”

“Yeah, he is,” Shiro agreed softly. “I'm glad, anyways. You two are a much better team when you're not constantly trying to claw each others' throats out.”

“I didn't... I never did that...!” Shiro only smirked knowingly and Keith punched him lightly in the shoulder.

“Shut up, he grumbled.”

Of course, Shiro remarking that had to jinx it.

* * *

 

Training started out normally enough. They divided themselves into two teams, Keith, Allura and Pidge against Hunk, Lance and Shiro. It was a set-up they had started to use fairly recently, since the gladiators only could mimic real fights for so long, and once you got used to their pattern they were actually quite easy to take down. Only sentient creatures held that unpredictability that they had to get used to when fighting against their enemies. Every once in awhile they switched teams, but Keith particularly liked this combo.

Allura had long range with her spear, even though you couldn't compare it to Lance or Hunk's guns. But she was impeccable at sweeping their feet out from beneath them with the tip of it. Since actually fighting with their bayards was completely out of question, they instead used pads that was attached to their armour over the heart, throat, stomach and thighs. That way, if you got hit on one of your pads, you were “dead”, and out of the battle.

Thus far, no one had “died” in today's battle, and Keith was currently fighting Hunk. Allura had momentarily dazed Lance and was helping Pidge to take down Shiro. They were doing really good, considering only ten minutes had passed.

Hunk was aiming his bayard at Keith (only loaded with stuns, of course) and he had do a half-vault in order to avoid it. Hunk gaped at him.

“Dude! Where did you learn to do that?” Keith huffed.

“I did parkour before the Garrison.” That wasn't actually true, but he figured it was a more diplomatic explanation than the fact that he had spent the time in the desert by learning all kinds of things, including martial arts and gymnastics. He'd had his fair share of sprained wrists before he got it right. Hunk would probably pity him if he said that. But he did frown now, and Keith wondered if he'd slipped up in some way.

“How did you have the time for that?” Now it was Keith's time to frown.

“What do you mean?” It wasn't like it was unusual for kids to attend activities when they were younger. Hunk himself had shared that he used to take both ukulele and ballet lessons. And then suddenly he realised why Hunk was so baffled. The only reason he would have questioned Keith's statement was if he had somehow found out about the... A flare of anger lit up inside him.

“ _What do you mean?_ ” he repeated, voice cold as liquid nitrogen. Hunk's lips had gone white and his bayard hung limply by his side, training forgotten.

“I... Look, Lance just told us that you... That you moved around a lot as a kid,” he stammered. At the same time as Keith felt bad for inflicting this terror upon the yellow paladin, his anger toward Lance drowned the rest of his feelings out.

Casting his helmet aside, he stalked past Hunk. Lance was still sitting dazedly on the floor, so knocked out after his round with Allura that he at first didn't notice Keith. When he did, however, there was no mistaking the anger on Keith's face.

“Hey, what the hell man? I'm already dead...” he began, voice dying down when Keith hauled him up by his shoulder, pushing him against one of the walls.

“What the fuck, Lance?” he hissed. Lance took a moment to glance over his shoulder, and must've met Hunk's eyes. Keith could point out the exact moment when he realised what was going on. Immediately, regret filled his eyes.

“Look, man... I was just worried.”

“Worried?” he spat.

“Worried about what, Lance? That I would suddenly flip and go psycho because I grew up in foster care?”

“No!” Lance cried out, but Keith barely heard it.

“So you were worried about me, and your first thought was to go and tell the whole team, was it?” Keith could feel tears building in his eyes but willed them away with surprising ease. It was as if they evaporated from the heat coming from his anger.

“You didn't stop to think that that might hurt me more?”

“Keith, I swear to god, I didn't do it to hurt you. And I'm not afraid you'll go all psycho.”

“Well, you did. You fucking did. You wouldn't like it if I outed all you're secrets here, would you?” Keith could see genuine fear in Lance's eyes at this threat, but he was too worked up, too betrayed to care about it.

“You wouldn't like it if I told you about what happened in the lions, would you? If I told them about your homesickness, if I told them that you were rendered helpless because you missed your mum!” The clashes of bayards against armour had died down behind them now, and Keith could tell that the whole team was listening.

“Stop”, Lance hissed. “Don't do this. Don't fucking do this, Keith.”

“Was there anyone there to tell you to stop when you told them about me, Lance? What gives you the right to out my secrets? It's only fair I tell them about your weaknesses.”

“Don't you fucking dare.” Lance's fear had evolved into anger, and he pushed Keith back harshly. “You're a coward if you do that.”

“Oh, I am a coward? What about the person who wants to give up fighting because he wants to be home for Christmas?” Lance didn't answer, only charged. He could hear Hunk gasp and Allura shouting something, but it was all very faint, drowned out by the buzzing in his ears.

Keith, who hadn't expected a physical attack, didn't have time to parry his punch. It hit hime right in his exposed jaw, causing something to crack audibly.

Most people would have gone out cold after such a hit, but Keith was not 'most people'. He growled and went to attack, using the hilt of his sword to bash Lance in the shoulder. It threw him off balance, but before Keith managed to get in another hit, Shiro came up from behind, wrapping his arms around his brother and pinned him against the wall. Keith trashed, but even he wasn't fierce enough to break Shiro's grip.

Meanwhile, Hunk was by Lance's side, making sure that he wouldn't lunge again. He wouldn't have had to worry. It was as if all of the fight had gone out of him in an instance. Looking at it like this, while no longer dodging hits, the two of them had been completely irrational. Not only had their usual bickering died down in the last couple of weeks; they had never actually been so angry that they had taken to violence.

Spitting insults was one thing; but charging at them with weapons intending to injure was something else entirely. Lance suddenly felt sick.

He sunk down to the floor in a heap of misery. Hunk crouched next to him.

“Hey, are you all right?”

“No, Hunk. I'm not fucking all right. I punched him. I punched him, and before that I completely neglected his trust and told you about his secret. I shouldn't be allowed to feel all right.”

“It wasn't just your fault”, Hunk murmured.

“No, Hunk. Don't do that. Don't take my side.”

“I'm not taking your side”, and Lance was surprised to hear the anger in his friend's voice. “I'm making sure you're okay. Just like Shiro is doing with Keith.”

Lance glanced up just to see Shiro leading Keith through the doors, arm slung around his shoulders. He twisted around just before the door closed.

“We have to make sure that this is settled. But right now they have to be checked up and cool down. I'm trusting you to take care of Lance.” The door swished shut, and Lance felt strangely lonely, despite in a room with four other people.

* * *

 

Keith was heaving in breaths, throat rasping painfully. The adrenaline from the fight was still coursing through his veins, making his legs wobbly and his hands shaking as it slowly drained out of his system. Luckily Shiro was supporting him with a grip around his shoulders, leading him through the castle Keith was too dazed to register where they were going before Shiro was opening the door to his own room.

He firmly guided him toward the bed and sat him down on the edge of it. The covers were neatly tucked in under the mattress, and barely crumpled under his weight. His ragged breathing was slowing down now, and his senses were regaining their composure.

“Fuck”, he muttered softly. For once, Shiro didn't call him out on swearing.

“What happened, Keith?” His voice was so caring and homely that Keith found himself fighting against the tears again.

“I fucked up. I fucked up so bad.”

“I'd say we established that. But why?” Keith sucked in a deep breath, concentrated on making his hands stop trembling in his lap.

“He... I told him about- about my childhood. About the foster homes and all.” Shiro were one of the few who knew how hard it was for him to open up about that in particular, and how much shame he had felt over it through the years, and now he was rubbing Keith's shoulder-blade encouragingly.

“And he... He went and told Hunk. Maybe Pidge too. And I... I just. How could he do that, Shiro? How could he just spill my secrets like that?”

“I don't know, Keith. But I'll bet that there's an explanation. And it might not be valid, but he must have had an reason to do that. You and I both know that Lance wouldn't do that just to hurt you.”

“I know, but I just, I snapped.”

“I know”, Shiro repeated softly. “But just... don't think about that right now, okay? I'm just gonna check that the punch you took didn't cause any severe damage. Then you can contemplate what's going on and we can figure out what to do."

“I'm fine”, he muttered. He did feel pretty lightheaded, though, and it was growing increasingly harder to focus at Shiro, or anything for that matter. Mostly, he just wanted to sleep. Shiro noticed his spaced-out look and pursed his lips.

“Yeah, no. We're checking you over.” Shiro crouched down on the floor in front of him, telling him to count how many fingers he held up his and other basic check-ups. He didn't look too worried, but he was eyeing the bruise that had formed on Keith's jaw with tight lips. Standing up, he declared his final sentence.

“Okay, so while I don't think you have a concussion, your reactions are still a bit slow and I suspect that your jaw is going to give you some trouble later. I'll ask Coran for some pain-killers, but I'd recommend rest and some quiet for the rest of the day, and maybe tomorrow, too."

“What about Lance?” Keith asked feebly. Shiro sighed.

“As for now, I think both of you need some time to think. But I'd say the two of you definitely need to talk. I'll see how things is with Lance and then come back here later, all right? Try to get some sleep.”

“I'm still in your room, Shiro.” The older man blinked, as if he'd realised that just now.

“Right. Well, um... do you wanna get to your own room, or...”

“Nah, this is all right. If it's okay with you.” Shiro smiled as to say it was, and left, turning off the lights as he did so.

Keith had slept here many times before the blade, back when his nightmares were at their worst. His brother had always been good at calming him down after those.

Taking off his boots, Keith lay down on the smooth bed, not bothering to get under the covers. Alone in the quiet, the full weight of what just had played out started to hit him. Alone in the quiet, he finally let his tears fall. This was more than just a tiny argument. This was for real. And he might just have lost the one person he'd managed to get through to.

_Fuck._

* * *

 

Lance was sitting on a bench in the infirmary when Shiro walked through the door. Coran had just finished taping his shoulder (just a bruise, you might be a bit sore, but nothing serious) and the second he caught sight of Shiro he jumped off his seat.

“Shiro!”

“Are you okay, Lance?” Shiro nodded toward his shoulder, and Lance waved it away.

“It's fine. Is Keith okay? Please tell me he's okay.” Lance could practically feel the disapproval steaming off of Hunk in the corner at the mention of Keith's name. His friend didn't hold a personal grudge against Keith, but he didn't like how Lance put himself second in order to reassure himself that Keith was all right. If it came down to the two of them, he would always take Lance's side. And he could bet that Lance was more worried about Keith than the other way around.

“He'll be all right. You didn't give him a concussion, thankfully. I told him to take the rest of the day off.” Lance sagged down on the bench again.

“Thank god.” Shiro's eyebrows pinched, and he sat down on the bench next to him.

“Lance, what really happened back there? I'd like to hear both sides of this situation.” Lance sighed.

“I messed up. Majorly. Do you... I mean, do you know about his past?”

“Yeah. He lived with my family for awhile.”

“Oh. But okay, then I can tell you. He told me. And I... I went and told Hunk and Pidge, like the idiot I am.”

“You're not an idiot”, Shiro said softly. Hunk puffed up his chest in agreement. “I would just like to know why you did it.” Lance huffed.

“I shouldn't have done it. But I was... I was worried, I guess. I needed to get it off my chest, which I stupid, because it wasn't even my problem, it was his.”

“Sometimes, when we tell people stuff, we don't consider how they might take it. That it might be hard for them to carry around that weight, too. We're too caught up in wanting to take some off the hardship off our own shoulders that we forget that the weight doesn't disappear, it is only passed on.”

“Keith is not selfish, if that's what you mean. I coaxed it out of him. I was the one who asked. He didn't dump anything on me.”

“Trust me, he wouldn't have told you if he didn't want to.”

“But I planted the idea in his head.”

“Which was good; he needs to tell people. I believe there is no villain in this scuffle. There is no correct way to handle these things.”

“I could've just refrained from telling him.”

“And suffered in silence? That wouldn't have solved anything, either. Truth is, sooner or later it would have happened. And maybe there was a better way than telling your friends behind his back, but we're human after all. You did what you thought was best.” Shiro quieted down, and Lance stared at his lap, swallowing down the lump in his throat.

“Do you think he'll trust me again?” His voice was small, too small, but if he spoke any louder he was afraid it would break. Shiro drew in a deep breath.

“Keith has always distanced himself from opening up. I'm sure it took some courage for him to do so with you, and undeniably he will feel betrayed by this. But I also think that if he gets to know the reason why you did it, he will be able to forgive you.”

“It wasn't all Lance's fault, though”, Hunk piped in. “Keith should apologise, too.”

“Hunk...” Lance began, but Shiro interrupted him.

“And I'm well aware of that. No one is entirely to blame. But right now I think it would be the best of both of you take some time to compose yourselves. I'd suggest you two talk it out after dinner.” Lance nodded and stood.

“I'm going to my room”, he mumbled. Hunk opened his mouth to say something, but Lance was out of the door before he had finished the first syllable.

* * *

 

Neither of the boys showed up at lunch, and no one said anything about it. Shiro left early, announcing he was going to talk to Keith.

Knocking on the door to his own room was kind of strange, but he didn't want to barge in on an unsuspecting Keith. When he didn't get an answer however, he opened it and peeked in.

Keith was lying on his side, chest slowly rising and falling in slow breaths. Asleep.

Shiro, not wanting to wake him, placed a plate of food goo just inside the door and left quietly. He very well knew about Keith's nightmares and was aware that he needed all the sleep he could get.

Stopping briefly by Lance's door, he could hear the faint traces of a conversation, and left before it could really count as eavesdropping.

* * *

 

Three hours later, Hunk was making his way toward Shiro's room. He'd seen the black paladin going there when he was going to talk to Keith, and knew the boy was in there. Now, no matter what Shiro had said about Keith regretting this whole thing, too, Hunk wasn't going to watch his best friend take on all the blame. He was just going to make sure that Keith took his responsibility, too.

It took a good amount of time in between him knocking on the door and it actually opening, revealing Keith. A bruise was blossoming up from his jaw to cover his right cheek, painting his pale skin in blues and purples. His eyes were narrowed against the light in the hall and his hair was rumpled. Hunk concluded that he must've woken the teen up. The room was dark, but Keith showed no sign of intending to turn on the lights.

“Hi, Keith.”

“Uh. Hunk.”

“Can I come in?” he asked when the other boy showed no signs of inviting him in. Keith glanced over his shoulder and took a hesitant step to the side. An untouched plate of food stood by the door.

“Uh, sure.” Hunk marched by him and waited until Keith had closed the door behind them before opening his mouth.

“Okay, so. I don't know if you are aware, but Lance is blaming himself entirely for this whole thing, and I want you to know that that is not right. So you better apologise to him, too, and make sure that he accepts it.” Keith blinked. Looked down on his feet, blinked again, and then back at Hunk.

“What?”

“What do you mean, 'what'?”

“He's blaming himself?” Now it was Hunk's turn to blink.

“Of course he is!” Keith looked genuinely baffled.

“But I started the fight. I attacked him!”

“Yeah, but only because he gave out your secret.”

“I was acting too rash. He has nothing to apologise for. He did what anyone would have done. It's my fault for not seeing it coming.” Keith slid down the wall until he sat on the floor, and Hunk truly noticed how young he looked.

“Hold on, it's not only your fault. He was wrong, too.” He wasn't sure if Keith was listening; the other boy was simply staring emptily.

“Hey, Keith, I didn't mean to-”

“Look, Hunk”, Keith said, rubbing his face with his palm and wincing when his jaw ached. “I think it's best if you just leave. I'll apologise to him. That's what you wanted, right?”

“Yeah, but-”

“Then leave. Please.” Hunk hesitated, then nodded. Giving the crumpled form of the boy on the floor one last look he exited the room.

Standing outside, he was engulfed by a strange hollowness. This was not how he had expected it to go. He'd never foreseen Keith being so... human, you might say. It seemed stupid when he formed it like a conscious thought, but in all reality it was the lingering feeling he'd had around Keith for a long time.

Slowly walking away, he had the horrible feeling that he had gotten something very wrong about the other boy.

* * *

 

After Hunk's visit, Keith was left with a churning feeling in his head. He had assumed that Lance was angry with him for overreacting and lashing out. Not that he was blaming himself for the whole ordeal. And that fact that Hunk had to point it out to him somehow made the whole thing worse. He was apparently too thick-headed to consider the possibility that others had feelings, too.

Frankly, the conversation left him with the desire to smash his head in a wall and knock himself out. How the hell was he going to apologise to Lance now?

“Sorry, I didn't realise you might be feeling bad. I was too busy wallowing in my own misery and self-deprecation. Hope you're feeling better now that you know that I'm an ignorant jerk with no people skill whatsoever!”

Yeah, as if.

Was he supposed to just walk over to Lance's room? Talk to him during dinner? What time was it even? Had he missed dinner already?

He'd been completely isolated in Shiro's room, not even bothering to turn on the lights after he'd woken up. Sinking down further into the floor, he let out a core-deep sigh. He had no clue on how to clear this mess of a day up.

* * *

 

Half past six, earth time, Lance made his way toward the kitchen. The words he was going to say played on repeat in his head as he walked through the corridors.

_I'm sorry, Keith. I never should've said anything. I couldn't carry the weight on my own, but I didn't realise it wasn't my weight to give away. I'm sorry, Keith. I never should've said anything. I couldn't-_

Stopping in the door-opening of the kitchen, he took in the table. There was Shiro, Allura, Coran, Pidge and Hunk. But no Keith.

Shiro opened his mouth, looking regretful.

“Lance, I'm sure he just-” But Lance didn't want to listen. Turning on his heels, he all but ran out of the kitchen, furiously wiping tears of his cheeks. _Stupid_ _Keith_ , he thought. _Stupid Keith and his words, stupid Keith and this stupid fight._

Why was he even trying? Keith clearly didn't care enough to put in an effort.

Slamming the door to his room closed behind him, he threw himself onto the bed and pressed his face into the pillow.

 _Screw this whole thing_.

 

Lance didn't know for how long he stayed like that, sobbing quietly into the fabric. He did know, however, that Keith didn't show up once. Eventually, he ran out of tears, and was left with a hollow feeling in his stomach.

Glancing at his watch, he realised it must've taken hours for him to stop crying. His eyes were sore and puffy, and his stomach was grumbling after having missed out on both lunch and dinner.

Hoisting himself up from the bed, he rubbed his face and stood up. Keith might not have apologised, but damn Lance if it was going to stop him from getting something to eat.This misery of a day didn't have to be any worse than necessary.

Stalking through the halls, he did his best not to stomp and wake everyone up, but it was hard when there was still anger simmering just underneath the surface. He felt like a volcano, threatening to explode whenever.

Just thinking of Keith made his ears fill with the sound of rushing blood. It was so loud that he almost didn't hear the soft mutterings that emerged from a half-opened door.

Stopping in his tracks, Lance crept closer until he could make out the words.

“This is idiotic. Can't even fucking apologise. You're a goddamn coward, Keith.” In one single swoop, every trace of Lance's anger evaporated, because however stuck up his fellow paladin was, he was not a coward for telling Lance about his secrets. He felt nauseated when thinking back to when he'd shouted those words in Keith's face himself.

He was about to barge in and say exactly what he thought to the person who said that to Keith when he finally recognised the voice.

He stopped.

Listened again.

“Idiotic. Can't fucking talk to people anymore.”

Yes. That was definitely Keith's voice.

But why in the world was Keith in here, talking shit about himself? Lance had to pause his mental rambling in order to keep listening to the mumbling.

“Maybe it's just best not to do anything. He can despise me from a distance, doesn't have to interact with me. Shiro can pilot the black lion on his own, that's how it's meant to be, anyways. If I just stay out of everyone's way... Like a coward. I suppose that it is worth it.”

Lance couldn't take it anymore. He opened the door fully, stepped in. Keith was sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, staring out at the stars through a large window in the castle.

His head whipped around at the sound of Lance's steps, and he scrambled to his feet when he realised who the intruder was.

His punch had left the right side of his face bruised and it looked like it might hurt for him to talk. Lance felt a wave of shame wash over him. It stung to see how Keith acted like a deer in headlights when being confronted with him, like he was afraid it would happen again.

“Hey, Keith. Can we talk?” He stumbled on the words, wanting to get them out before Keith fled the scene. He looked very prone to that right now, knees slightly bent as if ready to set out in a full-on run.

Lance almost felt as if he should approach him with hands out, like he was a wild animal.

“Look, I know what I did was wrong. Can I please, please explain why I did it?” Keith blinked, and let his arms fall from were they had been crossed over his torso, shielding him.

“I'm not angry. I don't think.” His voice was raspy, and Lance tried to ignore the fact that it probably was because he had cried.

“You should be.” Lance sighed and sat down on the small staircase Keith had been perched on.

”I shouldn't have told anyone.”

“I shouldn't have told you if I couldn't handle anyone else knowing”, Keith said sharply. He sounded as if he had tried to convince himself about it all day, and couldn't stand someone objecting to it.

“I told you to tell me. Besides, a person can't go around and keep everything inside themselves.”

“That why you told Hunk and Pidge?” Lance blinked. He hadn't expected this question so bluntly.

“Yeah, I guess. But I realise now that it wasn't my thing to open up about.” Keith shrugged.

“It had to come out in the open sooner or later. A team is supposed to know each other.”

“Shiro told you that?” he asked, remembering how the older man had said almost exactly the same words to him. Keith looked uncertain.

“Yeah.”

“Do you believe him?” A pause.

“I want to. It's not that big of a deal, either. Lots of people grow up in foster-care.”

“It's a big deal if you feel like it is.”

“I don't want it to be.”

“Okay. I'm still sorry I told the others.” Keith shrugged again.

“I'm sorry I hit you in the shoulder. And said those things about your homesickness. I didn't mean it. I was fired up, I acted too rash.”

“It's okay, I understand. And I'm sorry I punched you. Does it hurt?”

“No.”

“You're a shit liar.” Keith huffed.

“All right then. Yes, it hurts like fuck. Happy?”

“No. Have you put some ice on it or anything?”

“I'm fine, Lance. I promise. It's just a bruise. I didn't even get a concussion. And Coran got me some painkillers.”

“Still”, Lance insisted. Keith gave him a flat look that left no room for argument.

“Fine. But if you wake up tomorrow with a killer headache you're the one to blame.”

“I would've thought the one who inflicted the punch would be blamed.” Keith grinned, and Lance pulled a face.

“I said I was sorry!”

“I know. Apology accepted.”

“Yours, too. We're good?” Keith gave him a small smile.

“We're good.” Lance swallowed tightly, and took a step forward.

“Can I give you a hug?” Keith looked startled, but after a small pause, he nodded.

“Okay.” And Lance stepped in, wrapped his arms around Keith's back and held him there. Keith's chin rested on his shoulder, and he whispered something in Lance's ear.

“We are such a mess.” Lance chuckled softly.

“Yeah. Yeah, we are.”

* * *

 

Later that night, lying in his bed, Lance couldn't get those words out of his skull. _We are such a mess._ We. Keith and Lance. Lance and Keith. We. As an entity. As two people, being a we.

That thought made a blush spread on his face, and he had to suppress the grin that was growing on his face. _Ridiculous,_ he thought.

_Absolutely ridiculous._

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this rather messy work:)  
> Please leave kudos or even better, a comment!  
> If you have a prompt on the theme of this series (Keith and Lance's building relationship and later love, basically) make sure to type it down in the comment section and hopefully I can include it!


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